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demonoid phenomenon

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SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP?!?!?!? [Nov. 29th, 2005|07:02 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |highhigh]

I haven't updated since early september, so much shit has gone on. Somebody said a girl(call her dumbass) had weed. when the school officer searched dumbass she indeed did have marijuana on her. She wouldn't tell who sold it to her so the school people went back to the kid who narced on dumbass(call him narcy) and he said he thought it could be "Rachel in the center." THERE IS ONLY ONE RACHEL IN THE FUCKING CENTER, guess who they searched? yup, but did I have weed on me? No. Instead i had four baggies, a tin with resin, two lighters, one benydryl, one pseudophed, one prozac, and one depakote. And they happened to do this the day I was supposed to go to the Red Sox vs. The O's at Camden. My mom had to pick me up at school and my center principle was crying when my mom got there. we got a lawyer and lucky as shit bc I eventually got let back into my school. The conditions are I will be on academic probation for the year and have to turn in a piss test to the school once a month. The funny as fuck thing is in my drug group I have my friend from thursday therapy group's little sister who doesn't smoke weed so she pisses for me. I've been smoking waaaaaaayyyy too much weed but I'm loving it and it's not inturrupting my schoolwork at all. Mary and Grayson have been here for a week and it actually hasn't been that bad. thanksgiving was good, nana and jack came and I was high the whole day. The next day I bought more weed and chilled with gertie and saturday i went shoe shopping with nana, mary, my mom, and amanda. Amanda and I have been hanging out a lot lately, she's sooo fucking funny I love her!!! She has a 3.88 GPA and got into her first choice college!!! YAY!! On a sadder note, my lesbian lovebird luthor who we thought was a boy until he started laying eggs died. we buried him in liz's backyard next to oscar, and then saw yes... the new Harry Potter movie. I personally thought it sucked. I've decided to start writing in here again so it will get me online to get any homework i need to be done so everybody leave comments please to make me remember to come online and check this thing!!!
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(no subject) [Sep. 21st, 2005|07:19 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |highhigh]

Dudes!! Fuck I haven't posted in here in forever!! Senior year is awesome so far and I've been smokin a shitload but its all good. At the moment I'm sick but other than that I'm good. I went to indiana for a funeral and managed to get some vodka after the funeral. it was cool, i got the vodka from my cvousins, they helped sneak it into my drinks. Also, smuggling weed onto a plane isn't hard at all if its not a big amount, like a a few grams, and i even did it with extra security checks at two of the four airports i went to. Speaking of sneaking shit on planes, I got my knife through x-ray machines at dullas airport. they found my lighters but didn't find the knife i forgot i had in my backpack, which was a carry-on item!!!! nice homeland security dickweed!
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I hope this makes sense [Jul. 13th, 2005|05:26 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |contentcontent]

The last entry I made was seriously lacking some important information about stupid shit that went down. In the post before the last one where i wrote about how Eddie was mad at me. He wasn't mad at me I found out, he was mad at justin because he liked justin and was hurt but still liked me. I talked to eddie and lori friday I think and Lori told me justin was confused and needed to figure things out. I understood that and respected that but still wanted to talk to him, not to pressure him, just because I like talking to him. Then apparently Justin didn't want to talk to me on the phone because he wanted to talk to me in person and it was really important and I asked Lori to ask him when he would want to and she wouldn't because she said she didn't want to be in the middle. That wouldn't have put her in the middle, and she always puts me in the middle of her and matt's shit. She promised me she would drive him over the next day, but that never happened and she wasn't picking up her cell phone. It was stressing me out and freaking me out a lot, and i didn't know why. Nothing was helping so i snorted a half a vicodin and took 3 muscle relaxants and slept till 7. The next day was the ritalin day so I wasn't as distracted by the Justin situation and the day after that I had summer school and was still doing ritalin so I felt that happiness only stimulants can give me, that comforting feeling. After school I had a shitload of homework and worked on that until my drug group. Then came back home and watched a 2-hour tv show and went for more ritalin after that and found out i had a voice message. It was Justin apologizing for blowing me off and he felt horrible about everything and wanted to see me really bad so we could have that talk we really needed and he would call me later. He didn't call and I was still spiraling into depression and felt the need for ritalin growing stronger. The next day, Tuesday, I didn't want to be alone and I called Ashley and she and Vivi picked me up and we drove around and it helped a little but I was still sad. Then we came back to my house and watched a movie but Ashley's friend called and she had to pick her up but Violetta wanted to see the end of the movie so Ashley said she'd come back and pick her up when she called. She wasn't picking up her cell phone and then guess who called? None other than Justin asking if I wanted to chill and if I could pick him up because Eddie had to go a meeting or something and I told him I would but I needed to talk to ashley so we tried calling her again and she wasn't picking up. My brother wouldn't pick him up because he didn't want to miss the beginning of the All-Star game but I did get him to drive us to get Vivi's car so she drove to pick Justin up for me and dropped us off at my house. Because I was so depressed earlier I did a lot of ritalin and ephedra and was nervous because I was afraid he was going to break up with me because he said "we really need to talk, and in person" so I couldn't stop moving around, fixing things or tidying up. He thought it was because I was mad at him but I told him I wasn't. Then the talk came and it wasn't anything bad at all so all that worrying and getting real fucked up was for nothing. He asked if I really liked him because he really liked me and talked with Eddie and he's fine with us going out, and really wanted to be with me. I told him of course I like him and was all happy and we snuggled and watched porn and made out until 11:30 when Eddie picked him up. My mom was pissed he was there that late but I didn't even care. I even told him how I felt about not being called and what I did and why and he apologized some more and told me it was hard to call me sometimes due to still being on the run but he'd call me more. So I've been in a pretty good mood other than feeling like shit because I have some stomach bug, but even that hasn't brought me down or stopped me from chilling, I'm not contagious so I don't have to worry about getting other people sick.
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2005|03:26 am]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |busybusy]
[music |STP- Creep]

Fucking summer school starts in a mere three and a half hours, joy. Luckily I found the combination to the lockbox where my ritalin is kept because my mom changed the combination. I actually need the ritalin for school and since I still have about 16 of the fake ones I replaced so I could snort the real ones I needed to get the real shit so I don't fail summer school. God I would feel embarrassed if my only reason was "uhhh, I didn't have my ritalin" because I can do work without it, it just helps me so much. Just today I finished my laundry (which takes forever because I loathe doing laundry) and I offered to do some of my dad's. My mom and brother were at the Orioles-Red Sox game (Sox lost *tear*)and while they were gone I cleaned off the spare dryer in the basement, took all the cans and assorted bottles out to the recycling bin, and I dusted the tea chest. I continued working after they got home by making a huge fucking dent in cleaning my room, it was a hellhole, but it's improving. I have decided not to sleep tonight because I never sleep well when I have anxiety and I have to get up early anyway and it's so late already there isn't a point. I pre-crushed my pills for school tomorrow. This generic ritalin doesn't crush as easily, it takes a long time to get it nice and fine, and I don't have the patience for it so there are a few tiny chunks.

I feel the need to continue cleaning but I'm not sure what to clean. I could keep on my room but I don't want my parents to lecture me on how if I don't get sleep I get manic and scary, and if my light was on they could see. I might do it anyway, what can they really do?
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FINALLY AN UPDATE [Jul. 8th, 2005|05:58 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |ecstaticecstatic and high]
[music |I love the 90's show in the background]

I am so sorry it's been so long bunnies, I still love you all!!! This past few months I guess have been so hectic and felt like a whirlwind because I've been drunk or fucked up probably 90% of the time, in fact I'm high as hell right now, but I feel the need to talk, or write in this case. The whole "relationship" thing with jon didn't work out, he was a little scam artist. My parents sent him money to come up for a weekend. First, he said it didn't come overnight when we sent it Fed-Ex. Next, he said he had therapy appointment that he couldn't cancel, because the canceling charges are rediculous these days, so that I understood. He then says he will come on a Wednesday that week, GREATG!! YAY, I'm finally gonna see him!! Oh wait, did I forget he didn't come up here on Wednesday and didn't call Wednesday, or the next two days. He finally came online and I told him i didn't care if he came to see me anymore, I just wanted the socks of mine he wore, I didn't even care about the $40 or the $15 dollar shipping charge. He said his phone fell in a lake and his grandpa had seizures. If his grandfather really has seizures, I'm honestly sorry but if you were with him, how did your phone fall fall in the lake? So I'm over him now.

Before all that happened, School was almost over. My friends and I had "Circle Time" -basically sitting around in a circle, usually at a public park in some shade, getting mostly high and sometimes a few people got drunk. We exchanged stories, told jokes, and generally had the greatest times. Ann-Shirley and I had broken up and I noticed the cute new boy in my Science class and since she was friends, and had a bowl, so perfect excuse to invite Justin. Little did I know Ann-Shirley had a crush on him so the jon thing basically happened again but Justin lives ten minutes away when Ann-Shirley lives forty or more. So Justin and I continued hanging out after school was over, but with other people with us almost all the time.

So it was usually:JustinCollapse ) and some other friends, but Most importantly Justin. Recently he decided to run away from home so I snuck out one night and "slept over at a friends" while I was partying with Justin, Eddie, and Lori, some of Eddie's friends too. This was over this past week, by the way. Well I have lots of pictures to show having to do with that later. Justin and I were fucked up, Lori was passed the fuck out, and eddie's friend was involved in a hit and run so eddie was gonna have to talk to the cops and was downstairs with the friend Conner. Justin and I got to talking about how much we like each other and for how long, all that stuff. I told him I liked him enough to go out with him and he asked if I meant it and I said I did so he asked me and I said yes. Well, I also found out Eddie has a huge crush on Justin also, but that I don't mind, I even told Justin he could mess around with Eddie also, and I would be totally comfortable with it.

I had to leave for therapy around five o'clock yesterday so I got dropped off at the building and eddie went to a drug meeting so justin and lori were chilling together, nothing big. Well they all reunited later that night and were supposed to pick me up but something happened and noone was answering their cell phones except eddie once who was crying so I flipped out the cops found Justin or something happened to Lori so I was freaked.

This morning I called lori and talked to her and everything is fine except Eddie is sooo pissed at me and hurt, I feel soooo bad about that but really like justin and he makes me feel good and is the best kisser I've ever encountered, plus he's a sweetheart who likes to take care of people if they're too fucked up and he does a good job with it. so here are some pictures when we were all having fun, lots of me and justin, some lori and some eddie
Pictures of partyingCollapse ) Enjoy and comment your hearts out darlings, and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY STARRLING!!
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2005|12:40 am]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |drunkdamn good and tired]

Dude, summer is the greatest. I haven't had this good of and end to a school year in my life. I got completely trashed yesterday with a few friends and ended up making out with ashley in the creek. Lori took pics of us naked, if she sends them to me i'll be happy. I came home plastered and my mom tried talking to me for about ten minutes before she could get a semi-coherent answer from me. She said I couldn't hang out with lori and i told her i wasn't cutting ties with lori ever, she's like my sister so today i came in late and lori wasn't at school but came back at lunch. we went over th this kid ben's house and got high as fuck with my patrick!!!!! I love pat, i have liked him since seventh grade and finally smoked with him for the first and possibly last time today. The school called my house and jonathan picked up. I can't go to richards going away party because i have to go to a "substance abuse" lady tomorrow because as my mom says "you have a problem" so were going to "get me help". I think i might smoke a little if i do go to the party, hopefully matt and colin will be there again, god those are two hot boys, the only problem is matt knows he's hot, and i think he's more impressed with himself than most other people.
I almost feel guilty about getting drunk, but the only thing i feel guilty for is having the best fucking time ever after getting drunk and before throwing it all up.
I've pretty much decided not to drink for a while.
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FUCK FAIRFAX HOSPITAL [Jun. 3rd, 2005|11:54 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
I took a few pills, only six because i was depressed. It wasn't a big deal, until my mom got involved. I had to go to the hospital to get my stomach pumped but got charcol instead. I was there for six hours and then they tried to admit me on the adult ward. They fucked up my arm with a needle and this dumb cunt asked me the same questions over and over. It sucked. Then she asked me about rape and sex in front of my parents, i think thats against the law. My mom finally signed me out against medical reccomendation because i told her i would contract to my safety. It sucked balls and when i try to talk about it i get fucking shit about blaming other people about it, fuck you. Who are you to think my world revolves around you? This has nothing to do with you so don't get full of yourself. I needed to talk to someone, obviously i picked the wrong person. I don't need feedback or shit, i need someone who actually cares enough to keep their mouth fucking shut instead of telling me shit just to hear their own voice. I'm really pissed off, it might still be from the pills or it might be the harsh reality people are shit
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(no subject) [Jun. 3rd, 2005|03:35 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |pissed offpissed off]

I'm fuckin tired of noone ever thinking about me. It's not like I have that many friends, and apparently they all have better things to do anyway. I fuckin hate not having anyone but a close-knit group that doesn't really care about me it seems. This always ends up happening to me no matter what group i chill with. I'm never even invited places anymore. this is more i guess a self-loathing friendless rant but i had to get it out
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(no subject) [May. 23rd, 2005|10:03 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |MSI]

Don't know why, but i've hit a downward spiral, can't think of anything positive, everything is plagued with negativity. I just can't deal, it's not one of those "oh my god i'm gonna cut" or anything that stupid, just a drug-addled mess. I'm not even on adderall, i stopped that for a while. I'm just lonely, i feel like there's a battle in my head, and i can't figure out what is against what.
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BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!! [May. 15th, 2005|08:22 pm]
demonoid phenomenon
[mood |lovedloved]
[music |Mindless Self Indulgence]

Ahhh!!! This weekend was awesome!! John came up from Richmond and slept at Nathan's house. We watched movies, weent to the mall and got matching spray on tattoos bc we're nerds like that and i bought him stockings and bought me a bustier. We didn't fuck yet but i really really like him and hope this whole thing works out, whatever it may be. My parents even like him, score!! we got stoned and walked my neighborhood. it was just such a good time and he was the sweetest, I loved every second of it, he's so sexy!!!! This is probably the happiest I've been in a really long time, and it feels damn good.
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